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Want to know what Elle has been up to? Read below.
View my progress for 2004.

Where to start. I've gone through a lot of changes in the past 3 weeks. First of all, I'm still riding high on my experience with my last film. In fact I wanted to mark the moment so I got myself a new tattoo. I got my zodiac sign on the inner side of my right wrist.

I'm so proud of myself for having shot the teaser to Sisi's Dream. I was feeling really scared 2 weeks before shooting it. I was afraid that it wouldn't happen, that I wasn't good enough, that the actors would get pissed off at me. I was afraid of everything. I was so afraid that I wasn't getting ready for it. Then I had a moment. I was listening to my Tony Robbins CDs and I figured out that I had to get beyond the fear. I mean, I had to step up to the plate and show that I really meant it. That this is really what I wanted to do and to focus on what needed to be done rather than the fear and anxiety that I was feeling.

So, I did. I just made the conscious decision and it was smooth sailing from that point. Things just fell into place and I really truly had the best time of my life.

What's next. Well, I just finished re-doing Wrangler and it's good to go. I need to finish editing Coffee Break and Sisi's Dream. I've also decided to shoot a feature in October. Gotta set my dates and go for it. I'm going to be writing a new script for it too. I want to write a script that is independent of any particular location. Unlike Sisi's Dream which is very dependent on a location.

Speaking of locations, last Monday I volunteered for the Dora awards. The Dora Awards are the equivalent of the Tony Awards but for the Toronto theatre and dance. The awards took place at the Royal Alex and it was my first time there. OH MY GOD!!! It is so perfect for Sisi's Dream. It's exactly what I had envisioned when I wrote it. That's where I'm going to film Sisi's Dream.

I went to Ottawa last weekend for my nephew, Manuel's, birthday. He just turned 9! On my trip up there, I ran into a huge rain storm. It was insane. I could barely see 5 feet in front of the car. Well, if you know me at all, you know that I love driving fast. I knew I couldn't drive as fast in that kind of weather, but I didn't want to be wimpy and I didn't want other people being braver than me and passing me. My friend Carol was with me. She couldn't believe that I was actually driving in that kind of weather and I told her that I looked at is as a challenge.

Anyway, my point is that I've decided that I will not have any problems any more. Only challenges. Challenges are great because when you step up to the plate and you over come them or achieve the goal, you feel so amazing. I feel that this is a better way of looking at life. I feel that this will open up lots of doors for me.

As for my William Hung moment, I haven't forgotten about it. Actually, I did until I read my before last entry in my dailies. I realized that in order for me to achieve my William Hung moment, I need to take HUGE chances. Not just one either, because one might not work. So I have to take a lot. Ok, so now I'm one step closer to my goal, but what are these chances that I need to take. Well, I want to change a lot of aspect of my life so I guess these chances have to cover the spectrum. I think one of these chances are that I'm going to tell my landlord that I'm giving him my 2 month notice at the end of August or September so that I will be forced to move out Nov 1 or Dec 1. I've been wanting to buy myself a house for a couple of years now. Anyway, if you know me at all you're probably rolling on the floor laughing because in the past I've always been so poor.

I just figure, by taking a huge leap like that, it will force me to come up with a scheme to have my truly big William Hung moment and make lots of money. ;-0

Well, that's it for now. Thanks for reading. :-) Have a great week. Love Peace Love

Please allow me to share my victory with you. :-)

Yesterday I shot the first 4 pages of my feature film, "Sisi's Dream", formerly known as "Wolf In Sheep's Clothing". It was by far the best experience of my life as a filmmaker. Like I said last week, I was ready, and it paid off 10 fold. Of course I couldn't have done it without the people that participated, more specifically my actors and my makeup artist. I'm so overwhelmed by their generosity and their passion and heart.

Jeanette, my makeup artist, was a diamond! I am so grateful to her for putting in 1000%! She did all this despite having a back injury. She did the makeup for 7 people and didn't complain once! No word can express the gratitude that I feel for this woman, nor the awe she impressed upon me.

Karyn, the lead actress, was stellar. She really impressed me. I am so proud of her. She is so dedicated.

Mark, the lead actor, was such a leader. I am so impressed by his professionalism and dedication.

Corinne's dedication was proven by her willingness to do what was necessary for the project.

I am also so grateful to all including Jason, Amanda, Eve and Kyle. Everyone was so generous.

I had a look at what we shot yesterday and it looks GREAT!!! I can't wait to put it together!

I'm so happy.

Thanks for reading. :-) Have a great week. Love Peace Love

Wow! Where to start? Ok, first of all, I got my whistle for The Wrangler and I finished off the movie. I showed it to a friend of mine and before I did I precluded it by saying that I'm really happy with what I've done and I don't care what you think. The reason I said that is that I want to stay strong with my convictions and the choices I made for the film.

Well... my friend was very supportive but as she was listening to it, I saw all of these faults with the film. She noticed things that I hadn't before too. So, I'm back at the drawing board. I must make this film outstanding because that's the only way it will get noticed. It's not enough that I did it, although I'm very proud of myself for doing it. It took a lot of courage and conviction. But now that I've made it I must make it the absolute BEST that it can be and I don't believe I've done that yet. So, now it's on hold until I shoot my next short next weekend.

As for my William Hung moment, didn't get it yet and haven't figured it out yet either, but I did have an epiphany this week. I was thinking that it would be great to be able to find a significant partner that would support me 1000%. I know, you're thinking how the hell did she go from William Hung to having a partner. Stick with me, you'll see.

Whenever I've been in relationships in the past, I've always supported my partner 1000% in what ever they chose to do, and I always believed that if I could find someone that loved me unconditionally and enormously, who supported my dreams in the same way and who was my number 1 fan that I could accomplish anything and everything that my heart desired. Then it hit me, right between the eyes. Who was the one person who was always around? ME! And, what if I could love myself and support myself as I wished from someone else? There's one thing for sure, I could be absolutely reliable and never leave. It's the perfect situation... Self Love.

But not only giving myself love and support, but allowing myself to feel self love and support. Allowing myself to feel completely free and comfortable. Comfortable enough to do what ever I want and feel safe enough to take the big risks that I need to take in order to achieve my William Hung moment.

What do you think?

I think this is the case with William Hung. I think he took the chance and said to himself, "I know I'm a really bad singer, but I love doing it and I love myself unconditionally". I think this is what people see in him and why they are so attracted to him because he loves himself unconditionally and because of that, he can do anything!

Well, that's my plan and I'm going for it 100%.

I'm ready!

Have a great week. Love Peace Love

So I've been trying to figure out my William Hung moment. I know I must get noticed. I know I need to be in a different head space. I need to be thinking like I'm already there.

Things are changing for me but still not the kind of William Hung changes. I know what I need to do but I get side tracked way too much. I need to stay focussed.

I'm basically done The Wrangler. There is just one element that is missing. A whistle. The kind of whistle that you hear when someone is trying to hail a New York cab.

I'm getting ready for my 3rd and final film this summer. I've decided that I absolutely must film a feature film in the fall. It doesn't look as though I will be able to film Sisi's Dream, as the location has been very difficult to lock down. So I need to write a new script that is not dependent on that kind of a location. That's what I'll be working on for July and August. I will be shooting in October. I'm ready. Besides, I figure if the Olsen twins can build a billion dollar empire on straight to video films then what's stoping me?

Have a great week. Love Peace Love

I can't believe that it's almost June already! :-0

Let's see. Hmm. What have I been up to?... Duh!... Film. Film. Film. Amongst other things.

Well, I shot my second short last weekend. As usual, it was great! :-) I learned a lot from this one as well. Mostly that I really need to organize my shot list better because I missed shooting one of them, but luckily we made it up the next day. Phew!

I've been thinking about changes in life as well. Although I'm very proud of myself for doing what I've done so far, I don't feel like it's enough. One of the reasons is that I recently found out that my parents are struggling to make ends meet. They are both retired so they have to rely on the money that they have saved over the years. Due to circumstances, they happen to have fallen on hard times. This makes me angry because I really want to help them but I am not in a financial position, at the moment, to make any real significant difference.

Hence my desire to make BIG changes in my life. I'm a true believer that your life can drastically change in one moment. I mean look at William Hung. One moment he was one of the worst singers to audition for American Idol and now he's a phenomenon. I mean, he's going to be singing at the Blue Jays game here in Toronto on Sunday! Can you believe it?

I once read that the people that "make it" are not always the best artists but the ones that have the audacity to put themselves out there. I want to take that big leap.

I told a friend of mine yesterday that I want my life to change drastically so that I can help my parents and my friends. So that I can move out from this closet I've been living in for the past 10 years and buy myself a house. So that I can travel and bring whoever wants to with me to see the world. I want to touch a massive iceberg floating in the sea. I want to touch the pyramids of Egypt. I want to see lions in the wild. I want to meet people of different cultures, in their own environment. I want to open myself up to adventures and experiences. I don't want to live in a box any longer. The box I created for myself in my own mind.

I recently read as well that great loves and great achievements come from great risk. I need to take BIGGER risks! I know what I want to do but I'm not sure what it is that I must do in order to achieve all that I want. So for now I'm going to keep taking the steps towards my dreams, until my William Hung experience presents itself to me. Love Peace Love

I know. I missed last week. To tell you the truth I wasn't feeling up to it. I'm not sure why but I knew to just keep going as best as I could. Which I did and now things are falling into place.

I'm still working on editing my last short but I'm shooting another short next weekend, so I've had to switch my priorities. I'm learning so much from doing these shorts. I'm learning that blocks in the road are simply opportunities to test my faith and to test my imagination. I've been encountering frustrations when I do get to a block in the road but when I've looked beyond it, I find solutions that are perhaps more interesting. If I had given up on any of the road blocks that I had encountered on my last short, I wouldn't have gotten anything. But now I have something and I'm learning so much. I'm also learning that I was meant to do this. It took me a long time to discover that I was meant for making movies but I think all of the experiences I encountered in my short life have prepared me to be a great filmmaker.

I had a very interesting thing happen to me this week. The person I asked to play the male role for the short that I'm shooting next week, it's called Coffee Break, happens to have a background in the army which is so synchronistic because the role he's playing is that of a soldier fighting a battle in a war. How wild is that?

That's it for now. I hope you all have a great week! Love-Peace-Love

Good Morning All!!

Well, I'll tell you, it's been quite a week. I've been up and I've been down. The best parts are the ups of course.

I shot my movie. Oh my god! I did it!!! I'll tell you, it wasn't easy. I had a lot of roadblocks but I didn't let them stop me. I also, just got myself a new hard drive so now I can edit it. Oh my god I'm so excited.

I've been working really hard at staying focussed on the positive and the things that I can change, but the thing I noticed the most this week is that I think way too much. I mean, when I go walking with Lulubelle, before I know it we're back home and I didn't even notice anything from our walk. The reason I bring it up is that when I had finished filming on Sunday, I got home and it was like a dream. I knew I had just done my first film all alone but it went by so quickly because I was worrying about all kinds of things as we were filming. Anyway, I don't want to miss out on my moments so I'm going to make sure I take time to smell the roses.

That's it for now. I'm just too excited about doing my editing to think of anything else at the moment. I hope you all have a great week! Love-Peace-Love

Good Morning All!!

I hope you're all doing well. As for me, well it's been an interesting week. I just read over my morning pages and I've work through a few demons. I've been going through some changes. Mostly because I now have a permanent job and I'm shooting my first short this weekend. I'm very excited about the latter. The perfectionist in my wants to get it right! But the humanist in me just wants to enjoy the process and allow people to enjoy and experience new things as well.

I'm trying very hard to enjoy the moment and to remember that every road block is an opportunity in disguise. Like I said last week, life's what you make it. Have a fantastic week and I'll let you all know next week how tomorrow pans out. Wish me luck!

It's been a while. Last week I didn't do an update because I went to visit my family for Easter and the week before I was in a bit of a funk so I didn't feel like it.

Well, I'm just about set to shoot my first short all on my own, next weekend. I'm really looking forward to it. It's going to be so much fun and I can't wait to see what's going to come of it. I'm curious to see if the final product is going to be anything close to what I envision in my mind. Wish me luck!

Remember, life's what you make it.

Argh!!!

Well, I made some big changes this week. Since I didn't get into the CFC I decided to become permanent at the day job I have been working at. I also left Rogers television so I can concentrate on my films exclusively. It was a bitter sweet week.

So now, I'm free to concentrate on my films and to tell you the truth, I feel totally lost. I know that with every big change comes a time of adjustment. So, I'm trying to factor that in and not let myself be to worked up about it.

According to the schedule I made up for myself a little while ago, I'm suppose to be in pre-production for one of my shorts. I'm suppose to shoot it in 2 weeks. Do you sense a bit of hesitation there? That's because there is. Well, hopefully I'm going to get on tract shortly and be ready for this shoot. All I basically need is the location. I need to find a riding stable and some horses. I basically have my actors. Anyway, what ever happens, I'm going to do it.

That's it for now.

Man! Time sure flies! So you may as well have fun! Right? I know I've said that before, but the good stuff is worth repeating over and over again.

Wow! What a week! Where to start? What to say?

Well, I guess the biggest thing is the CFC. I wasn't accepted. But rather than be upset and depressed about it, I've turned it around for myself. I've turned it into a victory. How? Well, first of all, I've learned that if I'm going to do something like this again that I need to do my best (as I did) in order to apply, and then just let it bake. What I mean is that I basically put my life on hold while waiting for the results. Next time, I'll keep moving forward.

The second thing is that I've decided that the reason I didn't get accepted was that I really need to make my film my way. Just because Hollywood has been doing things a certain way doesn't mean that it's the only way to do it and it doesn't mean that it's the best way to do it either. I'm very excited about it. I now have two choices that I've given myself, and I'm also going to stay open to other possibilities. I can either try to raise the $500,000 myself or I can do it on no budget again.

I know that if I put my mind to it I can raise the money myself, but is that truly what I want to do in the end? No, it's not. I want to make a movie. It's not about raising the money, it's about being creative. So I guess I've just talked myself into doing this movie on no budget! :-)

I'm so excited about my life! I'm so happy! Life's what you make it! Have a fantastic week!!! Love Peace Love - It's all good!

Hello! Last week I was at a loss for words because I was going through a shift. I still feel like I'm at the tail end of the shift but I'm at a loss for words because there is so much going on. I'm not sure where to start or what to focus on.

I've had some very interesting synchronicity happening. I got a call on Tuesday from a guy called Wayne who is working on a film project. He came across my website and decided to call me up just to talk. It was great! I felt like I was helping someone out. I wouldn't have been able to give him all the wisdom that I did had I not experienced all that I did with my film last summer. I felt really good about it.

I finally finished the book that I was reading. It's called "You Can Have It All". It's a very ethereal book, not like your typical "how to" book. It's all about opening up and that love is the essence of being. I know it sound hokey pokey, but something about it speaks to me. I truly feel like this is the basis of my shift. I don't feel so stressed as I have in the passed. I don't feel as much pressure as I have either. It's also encouraged me to keep up with my meditation. I feel that has been a huge contributor to how I've been feeling. I also have a sense of strength that's been growing inside of me, and I really can't attribute it to anything that I'm doing in particular.

This morning I went shopping with my neighbour, Lorri, and I ended up donating $7 to charity. That's a huge step for me because I haven't felt that I've been in the financial situation to be able to donate any money in the past. I always felt that I was charity enough and that I needed to hold onto my money in order to survive. Now I have a sense that there is abundance and that I am part of it. And it's funny too because I've really been making progress in my financial situation and the funny thing about it is that I'm not sure where the money is coming from but it seems to be there. This new philosophy and occurrence is due to the fact that my friend Anneloes told me that "It takes money to make money" and that "rich people are rich because they are rich, they feel rich and they act rich". So she said that in order to be rich I had to incorporate these things into my life.

Anyway, I hope you can make sense of what I wrote today.

Oh ya! One more thing. I had an epiphany the other day. When I was in theatre school, I, and all the other students, experience some tumultuous times. The school was in disarray, and the structure was falling apart. But somehow, I had the knowledge that my experience in school was going to be a direct result of what I made it out to be. So rather than complain about the way things were, I took advantage of the fact that I was in school and I had the opportunity to learn, and whatever I felt I wasn't getting from the curriculum, classes or teachers, I would find for myself. The result was that I was an incredibly enriching and learning experience and I wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world.

What, if anything, does this have to do with my epiphany? Well, last Saturday, I went to the Diana exhibit at the Design Exchange. It was a very strange experience for me. Aside from that, when I came out of the exhibit, I said to myself, "life's what you make it". And for some reason it made me think of my experience back at Humber College. I made my experience what it was at college. If this was true, then why couldn't I make my life experience what I want it to be, regardless of what is truly happening. Thinking about this made me realize that it ties in with all the philosophies I've been studying over the past couple of years with Julia Cameron and the "Artist Way", with Tony Robbins and now with Arnold Patent and "You Can Have It All". I'm sure you've experienced some kind of similar epiphany in your own life, so even though you might not quite understand what I'm saying, I'm sure you can relate to the experience.

Anyway, I am very happy at the moment and feel a sense of serenity and the greatest thing about all of this is that it's root is at the heart of me and not because of something that originated outside of me.

Have a Fabulous week and we'll catch you on the flip side! :-)

Good morning! I've got a lot on my mind this morning. First of all, I'm going through a shift. On Monday I wrote that this week was going to be a monumental week. I have a sense that something has shifted in me but I can't quite put my finger on it. I have a feeling that it's something that I'm going to be able to see more clearly when I can look back on it in a few weeks or so.

I'm at a loss for words.

One thing that I realized is that when I challenge myself that I really get a strong sense of fulfilment. What does that mean? It means that when I do something that I feel at that moment is very difficult, for whatever the reason might be, I feel strong and proud. Whether I accomplish it or not is of little consequence.

I've accomplished a lot this week but nothing that really stands out. Don't get me wrong, they were all incredible things. Some were big and wonderful and some were smaller. But for some reason, they don't seem important at the moment. Perhaps, next week.

Live your dream!

Hi Everyone! I know it's been a long time but I have a great excuse! :-) I was away for the past 2 Saturdays because I went to Ottawa. I went to Ottawa because, now get this, I went to do some sales for the company I'm currently working for. Me! SALES!!! I'm still blown away by it myself. I mean this is the thing that scared me the most!

What happened was that the company I work for needed a bilingual person to do some sales in Gatineau (across the river from Ottawa). So they asked me if I was interested. Oh my god! When they asked me I thought this is really fate. I've been wanting to get a sales job because it's the thing that scares me the most and it's the one thing that I felt was really holding me back in terms of moving my film forward. And here it was! The opportunity of a life time. So I did it.

Oh my GOD! It was so much fun. I mean really really so much fun. I loved it! I figured out that I love doing sales. I get to talk to people, which I LOVE doing and I wasn't even hurt when they weren't interested. I completely understood why.

Before I started writing my update today, I reviewed my Morning pages for the past 3 weeks. First thing I noticed was that ever since I changed the motto for my website to "Live Your Dreams", things have really changed for me. My life isn't about trying to achieve my dreams anymore, it's about living them every day. Things started happening after that. Don't get me wrong though, 3 weeks ago I started experiencing a bit of a lull. This was right after I changed the motto. But I stayed focussed on living my dreams every day and things started changing for me very fast.

While I was in Ottawa, living my dream ;-), I got to hang with my familial. What a great little perk to doing this week of sales. I also began feeling stronger than I have ever felt in my life. I strongly recommend facing your worst fears head on. It will bring you enormous amounts of confidence and strength.

I also had some time to think about my year and my film, Wolf In Sheep's Clothing. Since, the beginning of the year, I've been focussed on maximizing this year. I set some goals. But it took me until last week to finally set things right and I'm so excited. Check out my progress page to see what I'm talking about.

Also, I'm noticing that by focussing on the right things, I make things happen for me. For example: On Thursday of this past week, I went to my Rogers Television gig. As some of you might know, every Thursday I go to Rogers Television and do some volunteering on a live show. I've been doing phones ever since I started there but this week they asked me to PA. The PA is the person that calls out the times for the commercials and the beginning of the show and so on. It's a crucial position that requires exact accuracy. I was really exhausted and I had a feeling that they would ask me to do this, of course on the one day that I was feeling very tired. Anyway, when they asked me to do it, I took the challenge, but I have to admit, I was feeling extremely nervous. I actually, started working myself up into a frenzy. Then I noticed, and rather than saying, "don't be nervous" to myself, I started focussing on what I had to do. I also focussed on having faith that I would do a good job. The jitters settled and I ended up doing a great job and having so much fun.

So many great and wonderful things have happened to me this week and I truly believe it is because every morning when I wake up I ask myself: "What amazing thing is going to happen to me today?". I recommend trying it. It's done wonders for me. Then at night, I review the day and I pick out all the wonderful things that have happened. It seems that things are multiplying!!!

One of the wonderful things is that I've been reading a new book that was sent to me by a great friend from Holland. Her name is Anneloes. She sent me this book because I asked her: "How do I think rich?". She's the one that told me that I have to start thinking rich in order to be rich. Anyway, the first book I read (she sent me two) is called: Money & Beyond by Arnold M. Patent. It was a very strange read and I felt a lot of resistance from myself towards the book when I read it, but I didn't let that stop me. I figured that I am where I am because I've been resisting being rich. I found it difficult to understand as well, but I just kept reading and believed that I would eventually understand it and if not that some how subconsciously that something would sink in.

The second book she sent me is called: You Can Have It All, again by Arnold M. Patent. This one is recommended by Oprah. Regardless of Oprah's recommendation, I still felt resistance and had difficulty understanding it. It is very metaphysical and spiritual in nature, unlike anything I've ever read before. But I kept reading trusting that things would become clearer. Guess what? They have! I got to a point in the book that linked up to some reading I had done. I began seeing a relationship with what Arnold was talking about and one of my favorite books called: "The Celestine Prophecy" by James Redmond. Then all of a sudden this morning everything started getting really clear. I still need to do a lot of processing but things are starting to really make sense.

Wow, this is turning out to be a long update! and believe me there are so many things that have happened to me in the past few weeks that I can go on for much longer. But I won't. All I want to say is that when you start believing that you are living your dreams, wonderful things happen.

Keep the faith. Love yourself and love every day.