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HAPPY BIRTHDAY LULUBELLE!!!

AAAAHHH!!! November already! Yikes! Like I've said, time flies whether you're having fun or not, so you may as well have fun with whatever it is that you're doing!!!

This morning I watched "Legally Blonde". I really like this film. It's done up like a ditsy teenage kind of movie but it's got some really good messages. One of them comes at the end of the film when the main character, Elle (what a great name!!!) says that as long as you have "passion, courage of conviction and a strong sense of self" you can accomplish anything. I love that! I've put it up on a piece of paper right over my work area.

Well, I finally sent out my project proposal to someone and I will hopefully hear within a week how effective it is. This week I'm going to start concentrating on raising the capital needed for this film.

I've been trying very hard to get on top of my own personal financial situation. Still not on top of it but I'm very close.

I had my first interview with a cinematographer. It was very scary, and if he's reading this, you did a great job. I however, need to work on my skills.

Well, I've been talking to someone about a location and I finally got shut down. I haven't given up yet. I have an ace up my sleeve that I will be playing this week. Let's hope that it gets me somewhere.

And that's about it. I feel like I'm starting a new chapter in the filmmaking book this week. I feel really good about how things are progressing. I only wish it would go faster, not the time mind you but the process.

Speaking of which, I've been re-reading the Celestine Prophecy and in the third insight, they suggests that we have more control over things that happen around us, than we realize. I am going to make an effort from now on to influence all that I do.

I hope you all have a great week!

What's new? What's not new! To be honest, I'm afraid. Of what? I'm not sure. Actually, I know I'm afraid that I won't be able to raise the funds I need to make this film. That's where I'm at actually. I know I've got a block and I have to overcome it ASAP.

I've always had an issue where money was concerned. I've hated it and I've stayed away from it for a long time. It has brought me a lot of grief. I know all of this. So what am I doing about it? Well, like they say, the first thing you do when you are recovering from an addiction is to admit you have a problem. I HAVE A PROBLEM!!!

The next thing is to take it one day at a time. One moment at a time actually. I've also gotten myself a couple of books to help me. The first one was a very quick read. It's called: The Richest Man In Babylon written by George S. Clason. It basically tells you what most books tell you about building wealth: Pay off your debts; live within your means; pay yourself (save) 10%; and invest wisely that 10% so that your money works for you and makes you money. These are things that I knew but I'd never read it in that way. The book contains recounting of stories that integrate the methods of building wealth. It also integrates the way things were in the ancient times of Babylon. Babylon was suppose to be one of the richest cities ever in the world.

Another book that I got for myself is called: "Thou Shall Prosper: Ten Commandments for Money Making" by Rabbi Daniel Lapin. So far, it has been invaluable and I'm only half way through. The first chapter contained exactly what I was looking for. It basically told me what I needed to hear, that money is not evil. Rabbi Lapin explains the meaning of wealth and how to gain it based on Jewish tradition and the Torah. I love this book! It's finally showing me that it's good to want to grow in every way.

I have yet to finish the book. I was hoping to have it done in a week but there is so much information that it's taking me much longer. I have also made a decision to just do it. What am I talking about? I'm talking about getting the money for my film. So, today, I've written down all the things that I need to do in order to start Monday off with a bang! Wish me luck!!!

As for other aspects of my life... well, let's see. Physically, I am very close to reaching my goal. I don't know if I ever mentioned it here, but my goal is to see my abs. I'm starting to see them but they are not defined like what I want. I hope to have reached my goal by the end of November. After that I will be tackling the smoking. I want to start breathing BEFORE before the end of this year.

Romantically, things are quiet on the home front, which is the way I prefer things to be at the moment.

Socially, I want to meet new people. I'm not sure how to go about it. I would like to do some volunteer work once or twice a month. I hope to find something soon. I'm also applying to be part of the board of directors for the Beaches Art Centre (BAC). I'm hoping to meet lots of good people that way.

Emotionally, everything is on an even keel. Well, that's not true. Of course I have my ups and downs but I try not to let the downs become consuming.

On Friday, I jammed with the band. We decided to review the songs that I want to include in the film. They're all ready. I'm having so much fun with the band and the music. I also realized on Friday that we are very close to being ready to perform live. I'm hoping that by December we'll start booking some gigs. Of course I will let you all know so that you can come see.

I hope you all have a wonderful week ahead and I would really love to hear what is happening in your lives. Please write! :-)

"When at the edge of the unknown, faith provides the wings to fly." I'm going to fly this weekend!!!
:-)

Happy Thanksgiving!

I hope you all had a good Thanksgiving. Did you eat lots of turkey and then take a nap? I did.

I also managed to get a lot accomplished this weekend. I finally had a look at those reels. I think I found the cinematographer I want to work with. I just have to contact him and talk to him to see if we can work together. I certainly love what I saw. I still have some people that are sending me reels but I don't want to wait too long.

I've also re-designed my letterhead and business cards. I'm pretty happy with how they've turned out. Much more professional.

I've also don some research on grants. I didn't find many but it only takes one or two depending on how much they are offering. I've also asked a few people for loans to the company, but I haven't heard back from them. I don't really expect to.

Unfortunately, I didn't get around to working on my project proposal or my documentary, like I had planned but the weekend isn't quite over yet and of course there is the week ahead.

I went to the AGO on Wednesday to see a preview of a new showing which is called, "Voyage into Myth". It sounded really promising but I was disappointed with the art. It wasn't all for not though. I did get inspired by inscriptions and I ended up spending lots of money... again.

Actually, I spent a lot of money this week. Money I didn't have. It wasn't frivolous spending mind you.

Oh ya! I also made some pumpkin tarts, from scratch. I bought a pumpkin and even made the dough from scratch.

I'm pretty happy with the amount of work that I got accomplished over the past few days. Only wish I had more long weekends like this. I just have to remind myself that it will happen. Just have faith. Right?

AH! October 6th already!!!

Well, I didn't get into the SEA program, which is just fine by me. I think I'm doing exquisitely! Don't get me wrong, I really wanted to get in but I'm not going to harbor on the fact that I didn't. I think it's for the best to tell you the truth. It's funny because I have this philosophy about music. I feel that if you learn theory your just cutting your chances of being creative because the theory teaches you how to put notes together. It gives you rules. Once those rules are ingrained in your head then it's really hard to step outside of them in order to create something different. It's kind of like Shakespeare. When he was writing he was creating new words. At the time people thought he was crazy but now we think he was a genius.

What I'm trying to say, and I don't know if I'm being too eloquent about it, is that not getting into the SEA program will allow me to be creative about what I'm doing.

What a beautiful morning. I went for my Sunday walk into the cemetery with Lulubelle. It was really exquisite. I guess that'll be my catch word for a while. I really feel like I'm getting away from the city for about an hour when I do that.

I've started talking to cinematographers again. I feel so much more confident about it all then I did when I first started talking to them. I'm so happy about that. I've even received 4 reels, that I have not had the time or opportunity to look at yet. Hopefully today or some time at the beginning of the week.

I finally finished writing my business plan. What a great exercise that has been. It has really gotten me to know intimately what I am doing. It has given me lot's of confidence with what I am doing.

I've even started talking to some people about investing. And I'm not afraid either. I knew things would fall into place where that was concerned, but the closer I got to having to deal with it the more afraid I got about not being able to. But writing the business plan has given me the confidence to say, hey, I have a great idea and here is your opportunity to be part of it and you will be making lots of money too.

Life is exquisite at the moment. It couldn't get any better. But I expect it will.

One last thing. I spoiled myself this week. I finally bought myself a duvet. It's exquisite!! Truly it is. I feel really spoiled and eventhough I couldn't really afford it I'm so glad I did it. I think everyone should spoil themselves once in a while!!!

I hope you all have a fantabulous week!!!

Wow! Life! It's funny how things can change from one moment to another. What am I talking about? Everything, really. I went to my interview for the SEA program last Monday and it was tough. The guy had the best poker face. He didn't let on anything. So, I'm waiting to get a call back for a second interview. I was suppose to find out either Friday or this coming Monday. I know that if I get called back for a second interview that I will get myself in. But, if I don't I'm still on track for what I want to do.

Halloween is just around the corner!!!

On Friday, I went to a party at my ex's for one of my friends. She's actually leaving today to go to Puerto Vallarta to work, so I won't be seeing her for a very long time. I wasn't too excited about going to the ex's but I thought I would give it a try since it was for a really good friend. I got there and quickly discovered that I didn't want to be there, so I left. It was the best thing I could have done. All around really. I feel I have closure now and perhaps I can move on. I was kind of stuck on the whole thing.

Yesterday, I went to jam with my band and we gelled for the first time in a long time. I mean, we have a new bass player and things are just starting to happen again. He's got great energy and we are making great progress.

My best friend, Val, forced me to write a letter to potential investors, last week. I'm glad she did. I did it and she is reportedly sending it out at the beginning of the week. I've been kind of staling on the whole investor issue but now things have started in full force. I've just about completed my business plan and I will be working on my project proposal today. I actually hope to finish the project proposal today. I need it to present to the investors.

I feel like I'm actually going through another big change in my life at the moment. I've changed a few things in my apartment and thrown out some old clothes. It's kind of like a fall cleaning I guess. It feels good and I know that there is something huge looming over the horizon. I don't mean it in the negative sense. I mean it in the most positive sense.

Life is good at the moment but I know it's going to kick up into astronomical in the very near future and I'm ready for it. I've cleaned out my closets, metaphorically speaking, and I'm ready for the all new. It's funny because, I've been feeling a little down for the past 2 weeks. Don't get me wrong, it's not depression or anything like that. But I remember, when I was seeing my psychiatrist, Brian, that he said whenever there is big change in your life, there is like a little dip just before it. That's what I've been feeling. That's why I say that I think there is something huge coming over the horizon.

With this little down period, I've been trying to be introspective and observant at the same time. I've been looking back at what I've done in the past year, how much I've changed (for the oh so much better). I've also been trying to notice all of the little things that we take for granted in life. For example, I went for a walk with my friend Dee the other night and we walked along the boardwalk. The moon was shining so bright and it was reflecting on the lake. The light was just shimmering over the choppy water. It was breathtaking. Then on Friday night, after the party thing, I went for another walk along the lake with my friend Bren. It was a cool summer breeze and it felt so refreshing. I felt so alive! And finally, this morning, I went for a walk with Lulubelle to the cemetery. It's our Sunday morning ritual. For a change I just sat for a little while while Lulubelle was running around. She's so funny to watch. She just loves life. The temperature was perfect, it was quiet and I'm in the middle of the city but here I was in a cemetery and it was just so peaceful. It didn't even feel like we were in the city. Again, it was breathtaking.

I'm so looking forward to this coming week and the coming few months. I can't wait to see what happens next. Stay tuned as the world turns. Oops, I might be in violation of copyright there!!!     ;-)

The sky is the limit!

Frustration.

That's what the underlying current of what I've been feeling all week. Don't get me wrong though, I'm not down about it. It's just been attached to several happenings all week. I think the fact that we are now moving into fall has also made a difference for me. Things tend to go to sleep during the winter, slowing down in the fall. That's what I'm feeling in general.

Having said that I am applying to the SEA program for producers. It's a government program that gives you a weekly allowance in order to help you start a production company. I'm going for my first of 2 interviews tomorrow. I'm very excited and hopeful eventhough they cater more to producers of projects for broadcast purposes rather than feature films. Wish me luck!

Other than that, I've been doing work on my business plan and I'm thinking about doing a documentary and writing a script to supplement my income. My only concern at the moment is that I'm living on the edge financially. I don't like that any more. Of course I never liked it but I am even more determined now than I ever I was to get myself out of this situation. This is my only concern at the moment. I mean every thing else is going as planned. I just need and want more money. Sound familiar?

Wish me luck on my interview!

What a weird week I had. I finished my second draft! It's great! Even if I do say so myself. In the 11th hour I came up with a great new beginning. I think it brings the screenplay to a new level. Now I feel confident about the whole script.

I'm now on the second stage of things. The first thing I need to do is finish up my business plan. I was working on it half-heartedly this week until Wednesday when I almost got hit by a car. It scared the crap out of me! It started me thinking that I don't want to die or to get injured when I'm only at this stage of my life. I decided to work even harder than I have. Work hard to get where I want to be. Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty happy with my life but I really think I could to 200% better.

Well, that's about it really. I'm off to working on my business plan.

Again, another 2-weeks has flown by. Last week I didn't write because I was in San Francisco. What a great trip that was. I decided to not worry about all the work that was waiting for me here in Toronto and just go and enjoy the moment away. What a trip! I met some incredibly nice people, I saw an incredibly beautiful city and I had the best time of my life with my best friend. One of my new goals is to make lots of money and to take all of my friends with me back to San Francisco and enjoy it with them. I hope I can make that happen soon!

I gave that speech last week. It was an awesome experience. First of all the situation wasn't at all like they described it would be. There was probably about 7 people there. It was a very interactive thing. The camera was right in my face but it didn't bother me like I thought it would. It just felt like it was another person there. I also ended up meeting some nice people and they really liked what I had to say. I also got to listen to another producer talk to a group of people. It was really interesting. I didn't like what he had to say. He was very evasive with his answers. He could have given a lot more concrete answers.

I've started up on my script again and I've discovered that if I read the dialogue out loud I really get a sense of what works and what doesn't. I plan on finishing the second draft by tomorrow night. I feel really good about the middle and the ending but the beginning needs a little more work. I've changed it a lot.

This past week has been a very difficult week. I found it hard to go back to work. I feel stifled at not being able to work on my project full time. I've also partied a little too much. I know I've been working hard and I need to balance things but it also makes for increased stress when I feel that I'm not moving forward on my project. I know I can be extremely hard on myself at times so I'm trying to take all of this with a grain of salt. Don't get me wrong. I've been working really hard at putting a business plan together for my corporation. I need to pump some money into it and so I need to do a good job with this business plan so I can convince people to put money into it.

My company now has a bank account. It's official! My bank card has Elle Filme Inc. on it. It's very strange and exciting.

We might have found the missing link for our band. We tried out this new bass player on Friday and he was incredible! He really blew my mind and I think the others in the band were equally impressed by his ability. He feels unsure about committing to the band but I hope we will be able to work things out. I really would be upset if we lost him.

I feel like I'm in a fog. Funny I mention fog since I lived in it the whole time I was in San Francisco. What I mean is that before I made the decision to move the production date, things seemed really crisp. But now, it seems all foggy. I feel like I've lost some of that driving force. Maybe it's just a lull in my energy. I'm not going to worry about it though. I'm just going to keep on moving forward and have faith that things will right themselves again.

I really should call this the weeklies, the way I'm going. I just like the film implication really.

Well, I tell ya, life can change in a moment and it's been 2-weeks of moments! The problem with updating this page every week, or in this case, every second week, is that I don't remember where I left off. I'm still in the midst of writing my second draft. It's pretty good but I want it to be awesome. I had some ideas last week that I've integrated but they don't seem to jump off of the page like I was hoping they would. So, I decided to take a break from the script for a few days so that I can have a fresh view on it.

I just changed the production date. Although, I was thoroughly enjoying the pressure, I didn't want to create something for the sake of creating something. I want to create something spectacular. Being the producer, director, writer and now composer as well as starting my own production company, working full-time and having a band made for adequate work. Not good enough. I think it's very important that I do a great job at the opening of the gates because it just makes things that much better on the other side. What I mean is if I do a great job now it will most certainly open up doors for me in the future.

I have to admit though, it was a tough decision. I was afraid that if I changed the production date I would be considered a loser. In fact, I was probably the only one who was thinking that. And in reality, if I can change my mind about that, then I'm really the only person that counts. I don't mean to sound self-centered, I've just put other peoples opinions before mine my whole life and I've only recently discovered that it shouldn't be that way.

I've talked to quite a few DPs cause I put an add on Mandy.com. It's an independent film/TV site that connects people. I've had some great response and am very excited about it. I'm also considering a new format. I'm actually considering changing to digital video. I've still got some researching to do before I can make a decision about it but I'm actually very excited about the possibility.

Lastly, well, the day has come. Tomorrow, the 19th, I will be giving my speech/lecture at the World Teen Movie Festival. I'm excited and terrified all at once. I also found out that they will be taping it to be aired on a teen television station. They also asked me for an interview. I said no. I'm actually terrified of being on camera. I've realized that it is something I'm going to have to get over very quickly. I'm looking forward to being on the other side of that speech. I want to learn from it. I want to see how it goes. I want to experience the experience! Well, wish me luck. I'll let you know how it goes.

I almost forgot. Next Friday I'm heading to San Francisco for the weekend. Talk about being decadent. Thanks Babe!

I feel amazing! I haven't felt like this in a while. I've been striving for this feeling and I finally got here. I'm pretty happy with myself. It's mostly due to the fact that I'm taking chances again.

Well, I ended up calling that Director of Photography (Sarah). After playing phone tag a couple of times I finally got to talk to her on the phone on Wednesday. It was a pretty good conversation. We finally met in person yesterday and we had a 2 1/2 hour conversation. I feel really good about her. I know I can work with her. This is very, very, very exciting. This is a big step for me, and her too I think.

Friday evening I met up with my producer friend (Craig). He read my script and gave me some feedback. It was really good feedback. I was really surprised.

I get Fridays off so this weekend is a four day weekend for me. I've been working my ass off because I find it very difficult to come home from work and switch gears to start doing the film thing. So, I want to take advantage of several days in a row. I'm half way through the weekend and I feel like I won't have enough time to accomplish what I wanted to this weekend. I know I tend to put a lot on my plate at the same time but I love the pressure.

Here's a new quote that I've just put up in the Fuel section: "Follow your bliss and doors will open where there were no doors before." - Joseph Campbell